Life teaches us things – both good and bad. We learn to get back up when we fall and we learn to search for more when everything’s lost. We learn the basic elements for survival. We learn tricks to keep us sane. We learn to stay strong and move forward.
But sometimes, when we go through the same lesson twice, we learn to ignore the next opportunity.
When we break up, when we get dumped, why would we still expect that there’s a possibility for us to fall in love again?
Sometimes that one event can cause a chain of unfortunate events – separation – pain – depression… When going through that once and getting back on your feet again, we feel stronger than ever, but still there is a small broken soul inside us that is terrified of falling in love again, of the possibility of going through the same things. And it’s not just the bad memories that we’re scared of repeating, it’s also the good ones. Fear of loving someone while knowing that there’s a possibility of losing him, fear of dedicating ourselves to people and being let down again, fear of being considered naïve and pitiful.
It’s scary to admit this fear, and while we continue drowning ourselves in denial, everything becomes more complicated.
We stop believing in love and begin to love ourselves way too much. We build a wall between us and men, we don’t let them close emotionally. In fact, we stop respecting them. To say in short, we become ‘emotionless’ and see it as ‘strong’. Yet, there’s still that small part of us that wants to be hugged and taken care of.
We surely can love. We love our parents, our siblings and friends. But I wonder, can we still fall in love? Can someone ever make us forget about the past experiences? And if we do… what is it that will trigger the feelings?
I wish I passed by a guy and felt my heart rate increase. I wish I felt the need to talk to him and worry about him. I wish I cared and cried. I wish I saw a future with him. But that’s what my heart is telling me, while my brain is focusing on what’s right. – Don’t. Let. Anyone. In.